Feeling Low....

It's been long time since i wrote anything...as i thought everything is alright now and I'm absolutely fine...have escaped from "Polymyositisis" but, no i was wrong,I'm still being truanted by"It".
I was so happy when Doctor told me that there's no need to continue with the medicines as there's no more sign of PM.I was relieved to hear that.....wow finally I'm out of steroids and that horrible methotrexate.....But there it goes again....after giving me normal 4 months it's back with all that unexplainable pains,feeling of exhaustion & weakness....
so after being down with fever for 3 Weeks i finally went to the Doctor....she suggested some routine checkups to see if there's any infections ....luckily there isn't any....so what is it that is making me sick again & again.according to my doctor it is my weak immune system....it has become so slow that it can't fight with any foreign particles even if they are as light as of cold....
nothing can be done as for now as the Doctor is on leave and I've to wait for her for 2 weeks.
I don't know why inside me i can see myself getting in "it's "grip again.I'm trying to ignore that negative feeling but this time I'm failing to do so....i never felt so negative before...i hope it's just because of my previous experience that suddenly I'm panicking and nothing serious....
Every morning i wake up with the same lethargic body,exhaustion.I'm not even able to do my Yoga..and other basic house chores.It's getting frustrating now...giving explanations to peoples that why I'm falling sick all the time....i don't know whether their concern is genuine or they are just thinking, "look at this girl"....always telling I'm not good.What's wrong with her she looks absolutely fine...yes, "absolutely fine " that is what my problem is...i look completely alright and everyone thinks that it just in my mind that I'm sick.This is the reason why i sometime wants to avoid all relatives and friends as no one seems to know exactly what i feel...so to avoid the embarrassment of being sick all the time most of the time i just end up by trying to be a "super woman" who can do everything....run around after her son,do all the house chores,entertain the guests and do everything on her own(i know how simple these tasks can sound to anyone except those who are fighting with Polymysotisis).as a result i end up with over-exertion and finally on bed again.I don't know how long this process will keep going on....
It feels so miserable specially when you are so young...there's so much i want to do.I just want to live my life to the fullest but feel like being trapped in this body...the heart wants to run and explore everything but the body doesn't listen....
I'm so confused,don't know what's happening, me overreacting and becoming paranoid of PM or something is seriously wrong with me.I don't know whether this is my past experience with PM which is making me so anxious and paranoid or I'm really going to get that horrible thing again....whatever let's hope for the best and i better should keep my calm.
I know I've always thanked GOD for giving me such a wonderful life but i don't know why today i feel like asking him why you just missed that one thing called good health in my life.I know it's not fair from my part from questioning him for what he has not given me but really sorry GOD today I'm just missing that missed thing iii so much.
UFFFFFFFFFF i better should just stop this depressing post and just take it as one of those days when you feel really low and nothing seems working for you....
just hoping to wake up tomorrow with a healthy day and positive thoughts....GOD BLESS ME....i need it 2day and every other day coming in my life.....indeed